DAY 30 (END OF EXPERIMENT)
Posted on Wednesday, December 30th, 2009
Pretty happy it’s done.
Returned the third and last email I received (from a match that, again, I passed on earlier). She was an outdoorsy type. Funny, lots of those online. I was very polite about having zero interest in her.
Deactivated profile.
RESULTS:
Number of girls emailed –- 10
Number of girls that replied — 1
Total emails received –- 3
Winks received – 3
Girls I favorited – 7
Girls favoriting me – 0
It is a dating service. It helps you find a date…unless you’re me.
Finding Someone Special is going to be next to impossible regardless of method. Not impossible, but next to it.
DAY 29
Posted on Tuesday, December 29th, 2009
Got an email last night. It was also from a Match I passed on earlier. Politely told her that I was eager to take a break from dating.
Girl at work offered to set me up on a blind date. Heck, I’ll probably take it.
DAY 28
Posted on Monday, December 28th, 2009
Emailed SkiBunny. Told her my subscription ends soon and gave her my personal email address. Wonder if it’ll take another week to hear back. It’s email, it takes forty seconds.
Asked her if she had a pink Scion. Not really.
DAY 27
Posted on Sunday, December 27th, 2009
Think I’ll make SkiBunny wait a few days. She took almost a week to respond to my original message.
Two can play that game, SkiBunny.
DAY 26
Posted on Saturday, December 26th, 2009
Planning on contacting SmallTownSkiBunny. There’s a Serpentarium in town and 3pm is feeding time. I went there last week and viewed a mouse as his life sunk jarringly away. Maybe I’ll take SkiBunny there.
Sounds like a good first date.
DAY 25
Posted on Friday, December 25th, 2009
Completed first official date with a female that was met online. PinkScion, that could have been YOU.
She was nice. Odd, though. Odd on purpose. The kind of girl who idolizes Ellen Page and the soundtrack of anything Ellen Page stars in.
We were chatting, but the advertisements on the movie screen distracted me. They seemed much more interesting, whimsical, and entertaining than our conversation. Skittles commercials never looked so good. Sad.
Secretly wished that the date would be a disaster to supply an interesting story.
I get home and there’s one new email on my Match.com account. Politely said no.
DAY 24
Posted on Thursday, December 24th, 2009
A match Instant Messaged me. Tiredofthesunset. Who gets tired of sunsets? Finally, contact. 24 days and the first contact has at last been made.
Was heading out the door when she IM’d. Forced to say goodbye immediately.
Figures.
Also, received a reply from SmallTownSkiBunny.
Later that night I returned to Match.com to Instant Message with tiredofthesunset.
We’re seeing a movie tomorrow.
DAY 22
Posted on Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009
Went dancing again downtown. Invited Jane, the girl who questioned my sexual orientation last week. She didn’t show
Was asked again if I liked boys or girls.
Cursed my exceptional dancing skills.
DAY 21
Posted on Monday, December 21st, 2009
What sorts of achievements can be accomplished when the energy spent seeking and obtaining women is put towards more constructive projects?
Battling racism?
Curing cancer?
Replacing old shower curtain?
Trading companionship for the betterment of fellow man?
Sounds like a lot to ask.
DAY 20
Posted on Sunday, December 20th, 2009
Excited for the thirty days to be over. No longer interested in searching for girls online or in real world. Too exhausting. Vacation?
continue readingDAY 19
Posted on Saturday, December 19th, 2009
Forced self to send ANOTHER email today. To SmallTownSkiBunny, an outdoorsy type. She spent a semester on an island at a Marine Biology lab. All I wanted to do was ask things like:
Did you tag and/or release things into the wild?
Did you rescue baby penguins from oil spills?
Was it gratifying when you freed Willy?
Really wanted to. Didn’t do it, but really wanted to.
DAY 18
Posted on Friday, December 18th, 2009
Victoria Secret coupon in mail today. Good for a free pair of Cheekster Panty. Considered which female friend to give it to. Then, thought about how much girls get for free.
1) Cover charge
2) Drinks
3) Attention
And thought about how much we do for them.
1) Opening doors
2) Holding purses
3) Pulling the car up
Decided to keep panty. Went to Victoria Secret, claimed panty (chose the pink ones), and taped them to refrigerator.
DAY 17
Posted on Thursday, December 17th, 2009
Refined profile based on a female friend’s suggestions. Her notes made sense. Profile is much better for it.
Got winked at by Match I had discarded. Gave her a second look. Remembered why I discarded her.
Match.com offers a polite way to say ‘No Thanks’. I took it.
DAY 16
Posted on Wednesday, December 16th, 2009
Been told from multiple sources that a “gay vibe” is definitely being projected by me. Analyzed behavior. Discovered a pattern.
BEHAVIORS PROJECTING GAYNESS:
1) I am shaved and showered.
2) I dress very well [due to job in retail].
3) I enjoy dancing. A lot.
4) I’m very good at dancing.
5) I do not bump or grind or hump.
6) I do not obnoxiously/aggressively hit on females.
7) When they talk, I really listen.
8) No inappropriate touching.
9) I Occasionally dance to Beyonce.
10) I often enter the club with platonic female friends acquired from behaviors 1-9.
Long term practice of these behaviors have resulted in a gentlemanly respect for women.
EMERGED PATTERN:
Women are repelled by gentlemen who genuinely have respect for them as human beings.
But maybe I can cut back on the dancing to Beyonce.
DAY 15
Posted on Tuesday, December 15th, 2009
Text message conversation:
Ryan: Hey, it’s ryan from odessa. Now you have my number. Exciting, I know. Try to contain it.
Jane: Haha I will try we will have to dance to some more beyonce another time
Ryan: Was that beyonce we were dancing to? I just get so into the expression of inner thoughts through the majesty of dance that I forget about the music sometimes. Heavy is the crown.
Waited for her to respond.
Realized the validity of her sexual preference inquiry the night before.
DAY 14
Posted on Monday, December 14th, 2009
Got a phone number while dancing with a girl downtown. The winks were not electronic, and there was no waiting for return emails. Her name is Jane.
She asked me if I like girls or guys.
DAY 13
Posted on Sunday, December 13th, 2009
Winked at by 38 year old woman from Florida.
Really?
DAY 12
Posted on Saturday, December 12th, 2009
Numerous requests for photos of me shirtless.
Not really.
Made that up to feel better about self.
DAY 11
Posted on Friday, December 11th, 2009
Meh.
Lack of motivation. Had to convince self to wink at new match. Not even interested. My wink is a lie.
Noticed most girls list professional sports under their interests. Is this true? Sports loving women are in high demand in dating circuit.
Rare, sought-after women in abundance online?
Laughed to self.